Who is that?

My coach at Crossfit took a video of me doing an air squat and a front squat yesterday.  The purpose of the video was to show me that my air squats are getting lazy and I'm leaning forward to much.  My front squats look a little better than my air squats because I keep my elbows pushed up which keeps my chest up and makes it hard to be lazy.  The idea of taking the video was a great one.  And I got the point.  I'll be working on making my air squats better.  They are the basis of everything. 

 

But when he showed me the video to compare one squat to the other, I had a *very* difficult time watching the mechanics of the squat.  All I could focus on to begin with was the FAT girl in the video.  If I hadn't known that he had *just* taken that video a moment before I would not have known it was me.  I do not feel like that girl.  A year ago I felt like that girl, but not today. 

 

It was a very confusing moment for me.  So many things went through my head in that short moment and unfortunately squat mechanics was just about the last one.  I had a difficult time recognizing that person.  And I had to remind myself that it was me in the video.  And I felt that it couldn't possibly be.  I  do not FEEL like I should be looking like that.  I am a person who just made a lofty goal of being able to do a pull up.  Just one pull-up, assisted.  And as I looked at the girl in the video I wondered how she can even achieve that one goal, or any of the others. 

 

I had *just* told the coaches that I can see a change in my body and the way my clothes fit.  And here is a video of a very fat girl.  It's an image I can't get out of my head.  It's both disappointing and motivating.  I don't feel like that, why am I letting myself look like that.   It's good an bad.  Good that it might be motivating.  But bad in that it makes me want to cover up and hide. 

 

I am sure that the coach deleted the videos after he showed them to me.  They had served the purpose they were meant to.  I'll be focusing on keeping my chest up when I'm doing my squats.  I think I got more from that video than just that though.