This summer I wrote this and for some reason I never published it. I wish I had. I'd forgotten about it already. And it's important stuff to remember. I'm glad I reread it and revisited that day.
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Yesterday I had an eye opening experience. It actually sounds like a very small thing when I try to tell the story, but to me it was a game changer.
I am not a good runner. But, I've said it before, I'd like to be one. I once enjoyed running. I ran from my house into the woods and down by the river on wooded trails. I liked the trails better than the streets because I didn't feel like there were people watching me there. I have always felt like there are people watching me as I pass each house on the street. That used to be a problem for me. Now, I think I've learned that it doesn't matter. So what? So what if people watch you. No one is likely to be watching you. And if they are, who cares? You are doing things and they are watching you do things. It's less of a big deal now, but admittedly, still challenges me.
I'm in a challenge to run a simple 400 meters. That's not too far. I should be able to do that. I actually *can* do that. I have. Recently. But somehow, when I get halfway there, I feel like I just have to stop and catch my breath. 200 meters... But I'm still doing the challenge and I'm gonna get to a point where that is a warm up run and I can do it.
I'm also not a fast runner. But I'm faster than I was 3 years ago. I did a 50 meter sprint WOD last week and while I was still last, I was done with the 50 meters before the people in front of me had turned around to walk back. The run wasn't timed but I know that I was faster than the last time I sprinted.
All of that leads to my eye opener. Yesterday at the white board, discussing the workout of the day, the coach said " we are going to run to the park as a group". I snorted. All I could picture was everyone walking along as I slog to the park. Coach was clearly annoyed with me and said "all the other classes managed it and don't sell yourself short". I had. I had sold myself short. I may not be fast, but I do run. And I can run as far as the park without stopping (It's about 400 meters away).
I thought about that statement all night. "Don't sell yourself short". My attitude about a simple run affected the rest of the workout. I believe that the coach gave me less support than the other athletes because he already knew that I wasn't supporting myself. It isn't his job to boost me up and *make* me do the workout. It's only his job to make sure I'm doing it correctly and not setting myself up for injury. I have to do the work that I know I can do and to push myself to go beyond that. And not to sell myself short and set myself up for poor success.
I sent the coach a message this morning to thank him for pointing that out to me. I thought I was being funny when I snorted and joked about the others walking along with me. It really was self deprecating because I had already decided how the workout was going to be. I promised that I wouldn't do that any more. I have to be my own best support.
The run to the park wasn't great. I knew it wouldn't be. It could have been though. The run *in* the park was fun. It was a barefoot running clinic. The workout was meant to reteach us how to run, by running with no shoes and reminding our feet and bodies how our feet are naturally supposed to strike the ground. I'd thought about the coaches words the whole wod and the run back to the gym was a lot better. I needed the reminder.
I won't sell myself short again soon.
